I am saying that sometimes my own faith is so wrapped up in having answers, and of course those answers don't always come. I want God to show he loves me in some way that I recognize. There are things that I've asked for myself that haven't materialized but somehow those are not the things that really bother me.  I can always imagine how not getting what I've asked for might actually be for my good. It's actually harder when I see my children going through emotional or physical pain - kind of like in the movies when the bad guys go after someone that the hero loves instead of the hero himself. See how it can subtley creep into one's mind how God is the bad guy?

 I know that by definition faith has to occur in a void of evidence.  I need enough evidence of the really big, most important thing God has done that none of the other non-answered things matter.  If I could grasp the importance of being with God for eternity, I would be grateful and not sorrow over the disappointments and pain of life here and now... maybe I wouldn't, I don't know. I think I understand that it's the job of the Holy Spirit to help me when I feel this near the edge of faith. I need him to present himself as an unlimited supply of emotional strength. He needs to reassure me that there is a whole lot more going on than what I see. He needs to remind me that the things that are good in my life are not just my own doing or coincidence, and that the things that are not good will have a purpose and will pass with time. He has to remind me that God has already done the best, most loving thing for me and is watching and hoping that I will believe it and hang on. For sure, time is passing so quickly that it will soon be the day of questions being put to rest. And until then I will continue to ask him for what seems right - he says to do that - for my children, my friends, the world. I'm just saying that sometimes it is harder than others...